Sometimes things do not go to plan. I think what can be an even harder pill to swallow is when you invest so much time and energy and money into something for it to not work out. But even more so, when the collective team has made countless sacrifices to be there helping you to achieve your goal. Not finishing not only hurts your confidence but when the defeat also affects your crew, it hurts that much more.
My Cocodona 2024 build-up was really solid. I felt like I had great training coming into the race. A 78 mile FKT on the Rhode Island North South Trail in a 120+ mile training week gave me a lot of confidence as well as feeling like I had great heat training and an overall better base fitness along with the experience of the course from 2022. I had my nutrition figured out and dialed with Naak nutrition and the assistance of Chaos Crewing Company for race logistics.
The prep out to Cocodona was great as we drove cross-country to Indiana for the Grind on the Grid backyard ultra, helping to assist Matt and Brittany with the event through Chaos Crewing Company. We then had the chance to spend 4-5 days up at 7k altitude in Flagstaff, Arizona, the race’s finish. In 2022, I flew right in and raced and struggled with the adjustment to altitude. Taking the time to acclimate would prove to be the magic formula as the altitude in the first parts of the race did not stop me at all. The time in the lead-up to the race was great. All of my shake-out runs in Flagstaff had me running smooth and efficient running paces in the 6-7 minute range that I normally hit back at sea-level in Rhode Island. That was a major confidence boost to the ego. We had nice days working from the hotel and eating at a fun bar/restaurant called Birdies that became our regular reprieve from the daily work schedule.
As the crew assembled, I had a great sense of relaxation and confidence coming into this year’s event. We hit up packet pick-up on Friday and picked up our crew the following days as we took in the fresh O2 at our little ranch Air BNB before things kicked off. I ran the Sunday morning run with Finn Melanson and Joe Corcione as well as Coups, who was instrumental in pacing me to the finish in Cocodona 2022. There is something special about the 200 mile crowd that I personally love. I truly “feel” like these are my people. They crave exploration and do it not to crush one another but more to really challenge themselves against the course, the distance, and the elements while finding camaraderie in the shared suffering that occurs when running for days on end through difficult terrain.
With our full team assembled: Ashlee , Brittany, Sandra, Chuck, Coups; all that was left to do was one last sleep.
For those of you curious about Cocodona, I can provide more details like in my 2022 race recap. Rather than fill the page with logistics, let me say that it is an incredible and varied course with lots of variety and challenge. This year for me I would get to see the new part of the course for me through the Bradshaw mountains the first 80 miles to Whiskey Row which in 2022, I missed out on due to a re-route around Prescott Valley because of forest fires. The first 37 miles everyone talks about its difficulty. The exposure to the heat and sun. No crew until mile 38. Minimal water stops, carrying 4-6L of fluids. 10k of elevation gain in the first 33 miles of the race. What I think people often forget is that the first 79 miles, you see your crew only once besides the start line. Most of day 1 into night 1 even day 2 for some is pretty much all self-supported by the use of aid stations. I would say the first 100k is the hardest part of the course collectively. So be vigilant of that distinction.
RACE MORNING–DAY 1:
We awoke bright and early: 3:45 am. The race would start at 5am. I ate my usual oatmeal with some maple syrup. I filled my pack with the essential Naak lime drink mix and water in a 2.5L bladder. We drove out to the start and the line at Deep Canyon ranch to grab your spot tracker was wild. They ended up delaying the start 15 minutes just to make sure everyone was checked in. 300+ runners would soon begin the journey 250 miles from the desert floor up to Flagstaff. I felt calm and excited to experience this new part of the course for me and get my “full” Cocodona experience. I settled in next to Chad Lasater and Kevin Goldberg and Jake Jackson. We all bantered about what we were about to embark on and wished one another a wonderful journey. And then, we were off. I settled in with the group right behind Jeff Browning as we started hiking the very first climb. I expected the pace to be hot from the start and it was actually “chill”. As we would through the saguaros on similar terrain to that of the Black Canyon ultras, I had Arlen Glick behind me with all of my friends nearby. We chatted and had a great first few 10 miles. The miles clicked on by. We flowed at 8-9 minute pace. The morning felt cool as I changed out of my lights and jacket to short sleeve and my sun sleeves.
The first major aid station was where you had to fill-up with at least 4L. As we rolled into that aid, it was sheer chaos. We had maybe a pack of 20 roll in around the same time and luckily for me, I had my bladder already full of water. I filled 2 other soft flasks of water, grabbed some fruit and was off leaving the mass pack behind. Joe aka “Stringbean” had surged ahead. I followed Michael Versteeg, Kilian Korth and Jeff Browning out of the aid station. Our pace was solid and under control. I spent some time chatting with Kilian who I was hoping we would get to run a nice chunk of the race together. I remember Kilian stopping for a bathroom break only to surge right back up to us. The sun was starting to rise into the canyon and the first glimmer of heat came to be. It was a cooler year on this first day than in the past, and I knew the pace would be what would be heating up. It was around the 22 mile mark where I lost separation with the lead group. They were hiking up the rocky, sandy, lose terrain at a quicker clip than I wanted in the 15-16 minute range as I felt more comfortable in the 18-20 range. I went back into my snowshoe mind and which I learned that not always the strongest runner wins, but the smartest and most efficient. On snow, running with the snow rather than powering through is the best strategy for ensuring you are getting the most out of yourself. I felt that dialing back a little would in fact pay dividends late in the race.
The terrain in this first section was much harder than I expected. Yes, you climb up 10,000 feet which is tough but that part did not bother me. The climbs are steep and the footing is loose sand and rock which makes every step earned. This difficulty in terrain is what made it tough. And then the climbs followed by big descents, again and again is what catalog the first 33 miles to lane mountain as “difficult” . I saw Jamil, owner of Aravaipa out on the course filming us as in that next section from 25-33, my pace started to tire. The water stop upon arrival I learned that the cache was low and instead of 1.5 liters to refill, we were allowed only 750 ML or one soft flask. I had carried 5L of fluids on me so I was fine and in the cool weather, felt like I had too much water on me. I drank through my Naak flasks quickly and from 25 to 33, only had water on my person. I could feel the heat of the late morning try to zap me. I was covered up well. I soon was passed by Mika Thewes and a few other runners as I went to conserve more energy. By the final climb up to Lane Mountain, an arduous and overgrown 3 miles, I slowed to 25 minute miles. I realized I needed electrolytes which I had only packed 1.5 liters worth in my soft flasks. I felt thirsty so I drank more water which ultimately led me to feeling weak and lethargic. Mike Mcknight passed me and provided me some electrolyte tabs which I swallowed down a bunch. That guy is a freaking saint and one of the kindest athletes in our sport today. Thank you Mike! I was so worried about not becoming dehydrated that I mis-calculated my electrolyte needs. As I hiked to Lane Mountain aid at mile 33, I had dropped father in the field and was just “surviving”. Once at the aid, I chugged electrolytes and some coke. I could literally feel my body just recharge and respond. The really hard part was over more or less. I ran with Joe Corcione and Finn Melanson and soon blew by- reborn as I surged hard down the 4 miles to see crew at Crown King.
MILE 38—CROWN KING SALOON to Whiskey Row mile 78/80
Crown king is the first major aid station of the race. It signifies the end of the exposed Bradshaw climbs and now the still hard but more runnable dirt roads in the lead up to Camp Kipa and Camp W. Crown King was awesome as I flew on in. I knew I lost some time in the last section and was eager to make it back up. Brittany helped re-patch up my feet, Izzy provided some Spring smoothies, and within less than 5 minutes, I was back out on the trail. I caught up with Vermont crusher Aliza Lapierre as we began the long dirt road climb up a couple thousand feet on the Senator highway. It was early afternoon and the heat was still there but after a great aid station stop, I was ready, or felt ready to crush this next 40 miles by myself before seeing crew at Whiskey Row in Prescott, AZ.
Remember, this whole part of the course, I had not run in 2022 so it was all new to me. Running with Aliza was awesome. We caught up and passed the afternoon miles, working together. I felt really strong and we pushed the pace often hitting some 8 minute miles with no slower than a 12. We soon caught ROLO, a strong runner from California and another runner from New Mexico who was hammering. His name upon looking it up was Troy Allen. We kind of formed a mini-pack as we crushed this next section. We soon caught Mike Mcknight, and Kevin Goldberg and continued the strong pace. I felt really strong through this section. Tons of energy and felt like, my race was just about to begin. As we hit the aid stations like Arrastra Creek at mile 53 and then headed up to Camp Kipa, I would sit in the aid stations longer than I planned along with Aliza and Rolo. I was getting hungry and would eat a lot of fruit and replenish my fluids. The key mistake I made was not packing enough sufficient food for me in a long multi-day ultra in this section. My naak purees worked well but as day went into early evening at Camp Kipa, which was a long and technical climb, my stomach became super hungry. I just craved real solid food. Upon entering the aid station, I ate bacon and more “hearty” food. Now ahead of my group of Aliza and Rolo, I took more time to fuel-up cause I needed it. I was provided some broth which I think might had been chicken broth, which does not agree with me. On the live stream, I immediately threw that up.
For some reason, probably not eating much chicken the past 8 years, the broth just immediately bothers my stomach. In need of my crew in those moments, I really felt totally depleted. I knew I just had to do the best I could to get to Whiskey Row where I could trouble-shoot with the crew. This was my downfall. My stomach was getting irritated with only liquid calories as I needed something more substantial. I ran the next section trying to nurse-down potato chips. I was soon passed by Matt Smith who we actually ran the next 7 miles to Camp W together. Matt had passed me at mile 130 in Cocodona 2022 before he finished 4th Overall and 3rd male. He also is a co-RD with Kodiak Ultras and we talked about the race that I ran (100k) in 2023 (Fall). He was a great support in keeping me motivated. We left the Senator highway onto a singletrack section before hitting Camp W. Then it would be 9 miles to Whiskey Row. Matt ordered a hamburger to go. Soon Aliza was at the aid. I just sat there trying to stomach anything. It was a struggle. Soon Matt left the aid. Aliza left and then Chad Lasater came into the aid. After 10-15 minutes in total at the aid, I felt like nothing was working so I left. I ran this last section by myself as darkness had enveloped the scene. There is this wild feeling of moving through unknown trails at night, just looking at my phone track to ensure I was going the correct way as the trail markings were hard to make out.
At this point, my body felt tight, depleted and shot. I remember encountering a herd of deer, maybe 20 of them alongside the trail, their eyes reflecting from my headlamp lights. The trail goes around a lake which in the daylight I bet was pretty. I ran through the darkness just a few minutes behind Matt Smith. I could make-out his head lamp light in the distance.
As I hit the road near a camp and then onto trail again back onto road into the actual town of Prescott, I was brought back to 2022 where the course was the absolute same. From here on out, I would be running the same course. As I pushed through the neighborhood down from the hillside to Whiskey Row, I felt my left hamstring pull. With every step, searing pain was coming down my leg. I told myself, just make it to Whiskey Row. I pushed at 9 minute mile range down to the aid station. I needed assistance.
Mentally, I was trash. I wanted to come into this section feeling strong and confident, like how I left Crown king. But instead, I felt the same as I did in 2022. Weak stomach, low energy and in need of a major reset.
WHISKEY ROW–MILE 80
The crew was ready as I hit my time goal at midnight which placed me on goal for my 66 hour finish time. I went to the chair for a major resupply as I tried to chug a protein smoothie, eat some hummus, and more. It was hard to take down anything but I know I needed to. Ashlee worked on my feet. Mentally, I felt off. I had envisioned not coming into this checkpoint gassed and by some stretch of faith, came into the aid station just as beat-up as I did in 2022 which was exactly what I tried to avoid. The team worked hard to give me an essential reset. From the massage guns on my battered legs, to all of the food and nutrition I was taking in. While in the chair, my hamstring on my left side felt “off” and was in searing pain. With over a decade of over 50 ultras under my belt, I am no stranger to pain. But the pain I was feeling in this area was not something that I was used to. It felt like with every step on my left side, the area where my hamstring attaches to my butt was in searing pain. I began to panic. I thought to myself: “Did I tear my hamstring?” “Was this the end of my race?” A sea of emotions flooded my mind. The whole team at Chaos Crewing Co really worked hard to do anything and everything to keep me going. We took a nap, took some pain relivers, and took another nap. The pain was still there. I even went to the medical staff and had it taped. They informed me that I more than likely severely sprained the hamstring rather than tore it. This was a welcome relief. Soon they convinced me to walk it out to the next aid station but as I walked maybe a 1/4 of a mile by this dog park, I turned back. I had lost confidence in my body’s ability to be strong as I just had too much pain on my hamstring. Nothing was working and after 3 hours of trying to trouble-shoot, I called my race with a DNF. It was gut-wrenching to have to do it, but I felt that I would only be asking to put more risk on myself, my crew, and the race organizers and when I feel my ability to continue could jeopardize the management of the race organizers then I knew I had to call it.
Once I signed my name on the piece of paper and turned in my tracker, It was officially over. We drove to the hotel, just in silence.
It is never easy to quit. But to feel like you waisted the time and energy of those around you is what made this one sting the worst.
We spent the next few days bouncing around the the various hotels and airbnbs like originally planned in Sedona and Flagstaff. We would watch the runners get their buckles and cheer-on 2 runners that the Chaos Crewing team had worked with. It was still a great experience and felt like a mini-vacation of sorts.
In dealing with defeat, I look at this experience more of a learning. Yes, I have a lot of experience running: both in training and competing. But even with all that “time on feet” we could say, things can go wrong. For me, I learned that how I managed the uncrewed sections from Crown King to Whiskey Row was my downfall. I started out by getting so low misjudging my electrolytes that even after replenishing plenty at Lane Mountain mile 33 and Crown King at 37, my body still showed signs of weakness from muscle tightness that I think ultimately led me to pull on my hamstring too much.
I realized that carrying more electrolytes in the first 30+ mile section is something that I need to do and possibly carry less pure water. My 3L bladder was a little too much. Then after Crown King, I craved more savory foods instead of fruit and candy at the aid stations along with my Naak purees which I think carrying flasks with mashed potatoes might be something I try and utilize for my next go at Cocodona. That way, I get a full stomach instead of having a stomach full on liquid and semi-liquid like I did this year.
The truth of the matter is that failing at something always hurts.
Cresting the Summit 